This was written prior to conversion and prior to becoming a mother, I was in my teens when this was felt. I do not hold these views, and have since mourned the girl I once was since The Holy Spirit gave me a new heart not made with hands.

In the depths of despair, now where I yearn to sink,
Fading into nothingness, I vanish, you blink
The burden of existence, weighing everyone down,
A somber journey for humanity, beautiful sorrows surround

Silented mouth, frail body, vulnerabilities not allowed to be told,
Lightbearing Angels seeking refuge in my rejected Soul                                        Hatred becoming my refuge, orgasmic cold embrace,
Satan is where I hide & eat the meal that generations could not face

Mystery and intrigue Ive been given as a guise for my escape,
I seek to lose reality, touched by nothing in the light, not even rape
Within the innocent facade, my friend and devils wait within,
 A labyrinth of shadows, you cannot fathom how the demons will begin

Descending my soul, innocence taken, we vanish and we roam,
Something in me, and myself are yearning for a home 
In the desolation, even my guarded smile I have lost
Instead of wandering alone, I find solace in permafrost

Accepted by the leader of the abyss, broken dreams no longer appear,
Light avoids my sight, keeping my fear away, owned by night
The depths of sorrow,  I can finally rise in shame, no fear
Pain becoming strength, accepted in the flame

So as I fade into night, finding a home in the unseen,
The darkness is not so bad, the light is torturous, a painful beam
Finally hidden from Light of the lies, lies that I was taught to pray                        Ill accept my fate of Hell, as Lucifer like me, is a cast away

ALL IS GRAY or Grey, I will never obey